4/30/2010 - Format

You set the format, I'll take the forceps,

and start ripping off these extra parts.

I've taken each bit that doesn't fit,

and thrown it to the side.

We can start the building, you and I.

You set the format, I'll take the forceps,

and start twisting your ideas into creation.

You've put the bits into an outline.

We can start assembling.

You've designed, this monument of mine,

that I am to build between us.

This wall of gristle, bone, and muscle,

I've followed your format, it's your turn with the forceps.

4/29/2010 - Edges

This morning I remembered the harsh edges of my dream.
There were checkered flannels, red t-shirts,
and some kind of clock just ticking.
All of my shirts had holes,
just between the shoulder blades.
As if I'd finally grown my wings.

You pushed me down the stairs while I was doing laundry.
I remember the sound of my bones,
cracking as I hit each step.

Snap, crackle, pop,
like a meat sack full of rice crispy treats.

The feeling of blood dripping between my eyes,
down my neck, between my breasts.
Seeing my bones exposed so easily.
The strangest of all,
I wasn't angry over being pushed down the stairs,
or breaking every bone in my body.
I was pissed that I had to redo the laundry.

4/29/2010 - Wonder Why

You wonder why I don't meet your eyes when we part ways.

Why I shake your hand and look away.

Why I wave without looking back.

I'd like to tell you a secret.

I'd rather stay.

I'd rather play just one more game,

Sing just one more song,

Make time just a little longer

I'd rather stay.

You wonder why I linger after final farewells are said

Why I babble goodbyes

Why I edge my way towards the door.

I'd like to tell you a secret

It's one that I've kept to myself

I'd like to let you know

I'd rather stay

I'd rather play just one more game

Sing just one more song

Make time stretch a little longer

I'd rather stay.

4/21/2010 - Waking up

I've been spiraling down for a long time,

Now it's time to fly back up.

I'm over it, over it, over the bullshit.

It's time I stretched out of this skin I'm in,

I'm waking up, shaking myself

Into some kind of adulthood.

I've been living my life

as some superimposition sees fit

I'm over it, over it, don't need the bullshit.

It's time I shredded this skin I'm in

I'm waking up, shaking myself

into some kind of womanhood.

10/5/2007 - First memories

My first memory is of sitting on a beach, staring out into the ocean. I know now that I was facing south, the sun warm and fading on my right. It must have been spring or fall, we lived on the edge of the arctic circle. The beach was all pebbles of white and grey. Maybe those were the only colors my baby eyes could see. There were no birds, no animals that I could recall, no sound that I remember. Just the sun, warm and fading on my right.

7/22/2007 - Bring me back

Once more down the rabbit hole

Once more into the darkness

Let smells bring back memories

to flash before my eyes

Let broken strings ring

Let duty call into the night unanswered.

Bring me back, bring me back to the point

Let honor bind the tie that gags my voice

Let me be one of an infinite number

irrational, unknowable.

Let me grasp my own truth

Let me be devoted to me

Years ago - In between

It's been two days and I'm still sober

it's hard to think of you,

without a bottle in between

It's been three weeks and I'm not over

The time I wasted being there for you

I can't justify my anger,

I can't make the world, just go away

I am not omniscient, just the opposite

I'm the island left of nowhere and somewhere in between

It's been too long and I'm not over

Not in a sense, not in a way that makes it all okay

Too long to remember

where I am or who you are to me

I can't justify my anger

I can't make the world just go away

I am not omniscient, just the opposite

I'm the island left of nowhere and somewhere in between

Months have past and it's still raining in my head

The sky reflects what's left of me

through the contradictions I know

That I can't justify my anger

I can't make the world just go away

I'm not omniscient, just the opposite

I'm the island left of nowhere and somewhere in between.